Find a Self Esteem Therapist

Understanding self esteem and how it affects you

Self esteem describes the way you view your own worth and abilities. It shapes how you relate to others, how you interpret feedback and how you respond to challenges. For some people self esteem is generally steady, while for others it can fluctuate with life events such as work changes, relationship breakups or prolonged stress. Low self esteem tends to make everyday decisions feel harder, increases self-criticism and can leave you avoiding situations that might otherwise be rewarding. High self esteem is not about thinking you are perfect; it is about having a grounded sense of your strengths and limits and being able to recover from setbacks.

Common signs that therapy could help

If you are wondering whether counselling might be useful, there are a number of common signs to notice. You may find yourself repeatedly dismissing your achievements, feeling unworthy in relationships or comparing yourself harshly to others. Anxiety about being judged, frequent self-blame when things go wrong and a reluctance to try new things because of fear of failure are also important indicators. Some people notice changes in mood, patterns of negative self-talk or difficulty accepting compliments. If these patterns are affecting your day-to-day life, your work or your relationships, a therapeutic approach can help you explore the underlying beliefs and build more helpful ways of relating to yourself.

What to expect in therapy for self esteem

Therapy focused on self esteem typically begins with an initial assessment where you and the counsellor discuss what has brought you to therapy and what you hope to change. You will be invited to describe your experiences and the counsellor will ask about your history, current stressors and any relevant medical or social factors. This early stage is an opportunity for you to set priorities and for the counsellor to explain their approach and practicalities such as session length and fees. Following assessment, sessions often move between exploring the origins of low self esteem and practicing strategies that help you to notice and challenge unhelpful patterns.

How early sessions feel

Early sessions can feel a little uncomfortable because you may be talking about deeply held beliefs about yourself. A skilled counsellor will help you pace this exploration and focus on small, achievable steps. Many people find relief simply in being listened to without judgement and in having a clearer sense of what has shaped their self image. You can expect the counsellor to work collaboratively with you, adapting the pace and focus to suit your needs.

Session length and frequency

Most sessions last around 50 to 60 minutes and are usually weekly to begin with, though some people prefer fortnightly appointments. The overall duration of work varies - some people feel better after a few months of focused work while others benefit from longer-term therapy. Your counsellor will review progress with you periodically and you can agree together when it feels right to reduce the frequency or finish.

Therapeutic approaches commonly used

There are several therapeutic approaches that counsellors use to address self esteem, and many practitioners combine techniques to suit your needs. Cognitive behavioural therapy, often abbreviated to CBT, helps you to identify negative thoughts and unhelpful thinking patterns and to replace them with more balanced alternatives. Compassion-focused approaches help you to develop self-kindness and to reduce harsh self-criticism by practising soothing ways of relating to yourself. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, known as ACT, encourages you to clarify what matters to you and to take values-led action even when difficult feelings are present.

Psychodynamic therapy explores how past experiences and early relationships may have shaped your sense of self, and can be particularly helpful if repeated relational patterns undermine your confidence. Person-centred counselling emphasises an empathic, non-directive relationship in which your own self-understanding is central to change. Some counsellors also incorporate practical skills such as assertiveness training or social skills practice into their programme. The choice of approach depends on what feels most useful to you and on the counsellor's training and experience.

How online therapy works for self esteem

Online therapy has become a widely used option and can be especially convenient if you have a busy schedule or limited local availability. You can expect sessions by video call, telephone or sometimes by messaging, depending on what your counsellor offers. The therapeutic process itself mirrors face-to-face work - assessment, goal setting and a mix of discussion and practical exercises - but the tools are adapted for remote delivery. Many people find that being in their own home makes it easier to access support, while others prefer the formality of a neutral setting; you should choose the format that helps you engage most readily.

Professional counsellors follow ethical standards that include careful handling of your information and clear agreements about how sessions are arranged and recorded. Before starting, your counsellor should explain technical requirements, cancellation policies and what to do in an emergency. If you have concerns about technology, ask about alternatives such as telephone sessions or a brief test call before your first full appointment.

Choosing the right counsellor for self esteem

Finding a counsellor who feels right for you is an important step. Look for someone who is registered or accredited with recognised UK professional bodies such as BACP, HCPC or NCPS, and who lists experience working with self esteem or related issues. Read profiles to get a sense of their therapeutic approach, training and any specialisms such as anxiety or relationship difficulties. Consider practical factors such as fees, availability and whether they offer online or in-person sessions near you. Many counsellors offer an initial consultation at a reduced rate or a short free call, which can help you see whether you feel comfortable with their style.

When you speak with a potential counsellor, it can help to ask about what they see as the main goals for self esteem work, how they measure progress and what kinds of exercises they might use between sessions. Pay attention to how they listen and respond to your concerns - a collaborative, respectful approach is a good sign. Cultural fit matters too; if you prefer a counsellor who understands your background, identity or language, seek someone who highlights that experience in their profile.

Practical next steps

If you are ready to begin, start by narrowing listings to counsellors who meet your logistical needs and show relevant experience. Arrange a short introductory conversation where you can ask questions about their registration, approach and availability. Keep in mind that therapy is a cooperative process - you and your counsellor will work together to develop a programme that suits your goals. Over time, you can expect to gain more clarity about your values, to challenge patterns of self-criticism and to build behaviours that support a stronger, kinder sense of self.

Working on self esteem is often a steady process rather than a quick fix, but many people find that thoughtful therapy leads to more confident decision-making, better relationships and a greater willingness to take healthy risks. If you are feeling ready to make a change, use the listings above to find a qualified counsellor who aligns with your needs and contact them to arrange your first session.