Find an Infidelity Therapist

What is infidelity and how it commonly affects people

Infidelity can refer to a range of behaviours that break the expectations of commitment in a relationship. For some people it is a physical affair, for others it may be emotional involvement, secret online contact or an ongoing pattern of deception. The core issue is usually a breach of trust and the feeling that something fundamental in the relationship has been undermined.

How you respond will depend on your personality, values and the context of your relationship. Many people experience intense shock, anger, grief and a sense of betrayal after discovering an affair. Others may feel numbness or try to minimise the event in order to cope. Over time, these reactions can affect communication, intimacy, and day-to-day functioning. When children, finances or shared living arrangements are involved, the emotional impact often extends into practical decisions and long-term planning.

Signs you might benefit from therapy for infidelity

You might consider seeking professional support if the discovery of infidelity leads to persistent distress, repeated arguments, or avoidance of important conversations. If you find that intrusive thoughts or replaying events are interfering with sleep, work or your ability to concentrate, therapy can offer tools to manage intense emotions and restore some equilibrium. Similarly, if you and your partner are stuck in cycles of blame, denial or withdrawal and cannot reach a constructive way forward, a counsellor can help you re-establish communication and make clearer choices about the relationship.

Therapy is also useful if you are unsure what you want - to stay and repair, to separate, or to negotiate a new arrangement. Individual therapy can help you process your own feelings and values, while couples therapy can help you navigate shared decisions, boundaries and the practicalities of rebuilding trust. You may also want support if you notice changes in your sense of self-worth, sexual confidence, or if you are struggling with jealousy and suspicion long after the event.

What to expect in therapy sessions focused on infidelity

Initial sessions typically involve an assessment of the situation, your immediate concerns and your goals for therapy. The counsellor will invite you to tell the story of what happened at your own pace, while also exploring patterns in the relationship that may have contributed to the current crisis. If you attend with a partner, early work often focuses on creating a safe setting for difficult conversations, setting boundaries for disclosure and agreeing how to manage emotions in sessions.

Therapy is usually collaborative and goal-oriented. You will work with your counsellor to identify short-term goals - such as reducing distress or improving communication - and longer-term aims, which may include rebuilding trust or making decisions about the relationship. Practical tasks might include learning communication skills, planning how to handle triggers, and creating agreements about transparency and boundaries. Your counsellor will also explain how they handle personal information and any limits to your privacy before you begin.

Progress can be gradual. For some couples, a few focused sessions can help them move past the immediate crisis. For others, deeper patterns of behaviour and long-standing issues may require a longer programme of work. You should expect the pace to be tailored to your needs and for the counsellor to review goals with you at regular intervals.

Common therapeutic approaches used for infidelity

There are several recognised approaches counsellors use when working with infidelity. Emotion-focused therapy places emphasis on understanding and regulating strong emotions, helping you and your partner to process hurt and to reconnect emotionally. Cognitive-behavioural approaches look at how thoughts influence feelings and behaviours, offering practical strategies to manage jealousy, rumination and intrusive memories. Couple-focused therapies provide structured ways to rebuild trust, negotiate new agreements and repair interaction patterns that may have enabled secrecy.

Some counsellors integrate trauma-informed methods to address any intense reactions that resemble trauma responses, while others may draw on systemic ideas to explore patterns that involve family, cultural expectations and communication styles. Your counsellor should explain the approach they plan to use and how it relates to your goals, and you can ask about their experience working with infidelity and relationship repair.

How online therapy works for infidelity

Online therapy can be an accessible option if you need flexible scheduling, travel constraints or prefer to meet from home. Sessions typically take place by video call or telephone at an agreed time. Before you start, it is helpful to agree a quiet, comfortable environment where you will not be disturbed, and to check that your technology - internet connection, camera and microphone - is working. Counsellors will usually ask you to confirm that you are in a suitable location at the start of each session and that you understand how privacy is managed online.

Many counsellors offer a single introductory call so you can decide whether their style feels like a good fit. Working online can make it easier to access specialists who focus on infidelity even if they are located in a different part of the UK. Some people find that being at home allows them to feel more relaxed; others prefer face-to-face meetings for sensitive relational work. If you intend to take part in couples work online, it is important to agree in advance how both partners will be present and how you will manage interruptions or strong reactions during the session.

Tips for choosing the right therapist for infidelity

Start by looking for a counsellor who has specific experience with relationship betrayal and infidelity. Check their profile for training in couple work and any additional qualifications in trauma-informed care or emotion-focused therapies. In the UK, it is sensible to confirm whether the counsellor is registered with a professional body such as BACP, HCPC or NCPS, and to read any available information about their areas of specialism and clinical approach.

Consider practical matters as well - location if you prefer in-person work, session length, fees and whether they offer individual or couple sessions. Many counsellors provide a short initial conversation at no charge so you can ask how they would approach your situation, what a typical course of therapy might look like, and how they manage privacy and record-keeping. Trust your instinct about rapport - feeling understood and respected by your counsellor is an important part of effective therapy.

Finally, think about cultural fit and sensitivity. You may want a counsellor who understands the cultural, religious or family contexts that shape your values and choices. If there are safety concerns in the relationship, it is important to bring these up early so the counsellor can advise you on immediate steps and support options. Taking time to choose the right professional can make a real difference to how you move forward.

Moving forward

Infidelity is often a turning point. Whether you decide to rebuild the relationship or to separate, therapy can help you make clearer decisions, manage strong emotions and develop practical strategies for the next phase of your life. Use the listings below to compare counsellors, review their experience and contact those whose approach and background feel like the best fit for you.