Find a Guilt and Shame Therapist

Understanding guilt and shame

Guilt and shame are common emotional experiences but they feel very different. Guilt usually relates to something you believe you did - an action or omission - and it often motivates repair or apology. Shame tends to feel more global - a sense that there is something fundamentally wrong or unworthy about who you are. Both emotions can be short lived and helpful in guiding behaviour, yet when they become pervasive they can shape how you relate to yourself and others.

People carry guilt and shame for many reasons. You might be struggling with remorse about a past decision, feeling judged by family or community expectations, or wrestling with self-blame after relationships end. Sometimes shame roots are traced to earlier experiences such as harsh criticism, bullying or unmet emotional needs in childhood. Because these feelings touch identity and values, they often affect mood, confidence and the way you show up in everyday life.

How guilt and shame commonly affect people

When guilt or shame becomes persistent you may notice changes in behaviour and mood. You might withdraw from friends and avoid situations that trigger painful memories. Procrastination, perfectionism or over-apologising can be ways you try to manage uncomfortable feelings. Some people soothe themselves with avoidance strategies that create short-term relief but reinforce the sense of isolation in the long term. In relationships, shame can make it hard to be open - you may fear rejection or believe you do not deserve support. It is common for these emotions to co-exist with anxiety, low self-esteem or low mood, which can make everyday tasks feel heavier than usual.

Signs you might benefit from therapy for guilt and shame

You may want to consider counselling if guilt or shame is interfering with your life in several ways. If you find yourself stuck replaying events, unable to move on from past mistakes, or avoiding people and activities you once enjoyed, that is a clear signal. When self-criticism becomes harsh and repetitive, or when you cover up feelings with compulsive behaviours, therapy can help you understand the origins of those patterns. Also, if relationships are strained because you expect blame or rejection, therapy offers a space to practise different ways of relating and to rebuild trust with yourself and others.

What to expect in therapy for guilt and shame

Early sessions tend to focus on building a trusting working relationship and clarifying your goals. You will be invited to describe what brings you to counselling and what you hope to change. A skilled counsellor will listen for the stories you tell about yourself - the critical inner voice, the rules you live by and the moments that trigger intense shame. Therapy then provides an opportunity to look at these patterns without judgement and to develop kinder, more effective ways of responding to difficult emotions.

Therapy is a collaborative process. You and your counsellor will agree on the pace and focus of the work, and you may try both talking-based exploration and practical exercises between sessions. Over time you can expect to gain clearer insight into the roots of your guilt or shame, learn strategies to soothe distressing thoughts and practise new behaviours that align more closely with the person you want to be. Progress is rarely linear - some weeks feel like breakthroughs and others involve slow consolidation - but the overall aim is to increase your agency and reduce the grip of self-blame.

Common therapeutic approaches for guilt and shame

There are several established approaches that counsellors use to help people with guilt and shame. Cognitive-behavioural techniques help you notice unhelpful thinking patterns and test them against reality, offering practical steps to change behaviour. Compassion-focused work emphasises developing a kinder inner attitude and is particularly helpful when shame creates intense self-criticism. Psychodynamic approaches explore how early relationships and unconscious patterns contribute to current feelings of worthlessness, while schema therapy offers a structured way to identify and change longstanding schemas that trap you in shame-based responses. Acceptance and commitment therapy helps you live in line with your values even when painful feelings arise. In cases where traumatic events underpin intense shame, trauma-informed methods may be used to support processing and integration. Your counsellor will explain their approach and tailor it to your needs.

How online therapy works for guilt and shame

Online counselling makes it easier to access specialist support from where you are in the UK. Sessions are usually held by video call, telephone or messaging, and they follow a similar structure to face-to-face therapy - initial assessment, agreed goals and ongoing sessions. Many people find video sessions feel intimate and effective because you can meet a therapist whose specialism matches what you need without travelling long distances. To benefit most from online work you should choose a quiet, comfortable environment at home where you can talk freely, and agree with your counsellor how to manage any interruptions.

When working online you will also want to consider practicalities - session length, payment methods, and how to schedule appointments. Some counsellors offer short introductory calls so you can check if the rapport feels right before committing. If your needs change and you require more immediate support, a counsellor will discuss local options with you. Practitioners on this site commonly note their professional registration - for example with BACP, HCPC or NCPS - which can help you assess their training and ethical framework.

Choosing the right therapist for guilt and shame

Finding the right counsellor often comes down to a mixture of expertise and personal fit. You might prioritise someone who explicitly lists guilt, shame or self-esteem in their specialisms, or who works with related areas such as trauma or relationship issues. Look for information about their therapeutic model and years of experience, and note whether they are registered or accredited with recognised UK bodies such as BACP, HCPC or NCPS. These registrations indicate that a practitioner adheres to professional standards and ongoing training.

Beyond qualifications, trust your sense of rapport. Many people feel more comfortable with a counsellor whose communication style and cultural understanding reflect their own background. Consider practical factors too - session times, fees and whether you prefer online or in-person work. It is reasonable to ask a counsellor about their typical approach to shame-based issues and what early steps they would take in therapy. A short introductory conversation can reveal whether you feel heard and respected, which is often the most important predictor of helpful therapy.

Next steps

Deciding to seek help for guilt and shame is a positive move toward gaining clarity and relief. Use the listings to read counsellor profiles, note their registration and approach, and arrange an initial contact to see if the fit feels right. If you are in immediate danger or at risk of harming yourself, contact emergency services or your GP straight away. For non-urgent support, a registered counsellor can help you explore the roots of guilt and shame and develop kinder ways of relating to yourself and others.