Find a Forgiveness Therapist

What forgiveness means and how it can affect you

Forgiveness is often described as a process of letting go of ongoing bitterness and resentment towards someone who has hurt you. It does not always mean forgetting the harm or excusing what happened. For many people, forgiveness is a shift in how you relate to the memory, emotion and decisions around an event. That shift can influence how you think, feel and behave in relationships, and it can change what you want from future interactions.

The experience of working on forgiveness can be complex. You might find that old frustrations resurface alongside relief and a new sense of perspective. Sometimes the need to forgive comes after a relationship breakdown, a betrayal, long-term family conflict or after harm that feels morally significant. Other times, you may be seeking forgiveness of yourself for choices you regret. Both directions - forgiving others and self-forgiveness - are legitimate focuses for therapy.

How unresolved hurt commonly shows up

Unresolved hurt can influence many areas of your life. You may notice persistent anger, intrusive thoughts about an incident, or avoidance of people or places connected to the harm. Relationships might feel guarded or distant because trust has been damaged. In other cases you may experience low mood, difficulty sleeping or a sense that you cannot move forward. Sometimes people describe a constant inner argument about whether to forgive, or fear that forgiving will make them vulnerable again. These reactions are common and can be explored in therapy without pressure to decide on a single outcome right away.

Signs you might benefit from therapy for forgiveness

You might decide to seek therapeutic help if feelings linked to past hurt are affecting your daily life or relationships. If you find yourself re-living an event, avoiding reminders, or reacting strongly in similar situations, working with a counsellor can help you understand those patterns. If self-blame is dominant - where you struggle to accept your own imperfections or past choices - a counsellor can support you in developing self-compassion. You may also want help if you are unsure whether reconciliation is possible or desirable, and you need a calm space to weigh up what healing might look like for you.

Another sign that therapy could help is if efforts to forgive have left you feeling confused or pressured by others to 'move on'. A counsellor can offer an individualised approach so that you can explore timing, boundaries and the emotional meaning of forgiveness on your own terms. Practical problems such as difficulty concentrating at work, strained family relationships or repeated patterns of mistrust are also valid reasons to seek specialist support.

What to expect in forgiveness-focused therapy

When you begin work with a counsellor on forgiveness, the first sessions usually focus on understanding your story and setting goals. You will have space to explain what happened, how it affected you and what you hope to change. A skilled therapist will listen without judgment and help you identify whether your aim is to repair a relationship, come to terms with what happened, reduce distress, or learn to be kinder to yourself.

Therapy often includes emotional processing - giving words to feelings that may have been suppressed or dismissed. You might be guided through exercises to notice triggers, challenge unhelpful thinking styles and experiment with new responses in relationships. Some sessions concentrate on practical skills such as communication or boundary-setting, while others focus on inner work like self-compassion or reframing the narrative you tell yourself about the harm.

Progress is rarely linear. You may feel relief and increased clarity in some weeks and then face emotional setbacks in others. Your counsellor will work with you to pace the work and to build coping strategies so that processing painful material does not feel overwhelming. Confidentiality and professional boundaries are part of good practice, and you should expect clear information about session length, fees and what happens if you need to pause or end therapy.

Common therapeutic approaches used for forgiveness

There is no single approach to forgiveness. Different modalities offer useful perspectives depending on your needs. Cognitive behavioural approaches help you notice how thoughts and beliefs fuel anger or rumination and teach practical skills to shift patterns. Compassion-focused work aims to reduce shame and cultivate kindness toward yourself and others, which can be especially important when self-forgiveness is the focus. Acceptance and commitment therapy helps you clarify values and commit to actions that align with the person you want to be, even while difficult emotions remain.

Narrative approaches invite you to examine the stories that shape your identity and to author a version of events that supports wellbeing rather than perpetuating self-blame. Emotion-focused therapy concentrates on accessing and transforming core emotions that maintain resentment. Some counsellors draw on specially designed forgiveness programmes that combine education about the process of forgiveness with structured exercises. Your counsellor may integrate techniques from several models to provide a tailored programme rather than following a single method.

How online therapy works for forgiveness

Online therapy makes it possible to work on forgiveness from home or another comfortable environment. Sessions are commonly offered by video call, telephone or secure messaging. You can expect an initial consultation by video or phone to assess suitability and clarify aims. Many therapists keep the same session length and frequency online as they would in person, so you can choose weekly or fortnightly appointments depending on how you prefer to pace the work.

Working remotely can be helpful if your shame or fear of being judged makes it hard to attend in person, or if logistical barriers such as distance or mobility make face-to-face meetings difficult. You will need a private place where you feel able to speak freely and to reflect on personal material without interruption. It is also important to check how your counsellor manages safety and safeguarding online, and how they handle notes, cancellations and emergencies. A clear agreement at the start of therapy helps both of you know what to expect.

Tips for choosing the right counsellor for forgiveness

Begin by considering what you most need - emotional processing, practical relationship work, or help with self-forgiveness - and look for counsellors who describe relevant experience. Check professional registration and training details. In the UK many counsellors are registered with recognised bodies such as BACP, HCPC or NCPS, which indicates adherence to national standards and an ethical code.

Read therapist profiles to learn about their typical approach, specialisms and whether they offer online sessions. Think about compatibility - some people prefer a counsellor who is relational and exploratory, while others want direct, skills-based work. Many counsellors offer a short initial call or briefing session so you can get a sense of whether you feel heard and respected. Ask about fee structures, session length and cancellation policies so you can plan practically. Trust your instincts - if you feel listened to and not rushed in the first contacts, that is a good sign.

Practical steps to begin

When you are ready to make contact, prepare a few sentences about what brings you to forgiveness work and what outcome you hope for. It can help to note recent examples of how the issue affects you so you can give the counsellor a clear picture. If you are balancing work and family commitments, check availability for times that suit you and whether the counsellor offers evening or weekend appointments. If you need help with access or adjustments, ask about those needs early on.

Remember that therapy is a collaborative process. You do not have to have all the answers at the start. A good counsellor will help you co-create goals and adapt the approach as you learn more about what helps. Forgiveness is a journey rather than a single decision, and choosing a counsellor who respects your pace and priorities will make that journey more manageable.

Final note

Exploring forgiveness in therapy can open up new ways of relating to yourself and others without demanding that you forget or condone harm. With skilled support you can clarify what forgiveness means for you, reduce the emotional burden that keeps you stuck, and choose actions that honour your values and wellbeing. Use the listings above to find counsellors who specialise in this area and reach out for an initial conversation to see how they might support your next steps.