Find a Codependency Therapist

Understanding codependency and how it affects you

Codependency is a pattern of relating where your sense of worth and emotional wellbeing become entangled with another person's needs or behaviours. You may find yourself prioritising someone else�s comfort over your own, taking responsibility for problems that are not yours, or feeling anxious when the other person is upset. Over time these patterns can erode your sense of self, make it hard to set and maintain boundaries, and lead to exhaustion, resentment or a cycle of repeated relationships with similar dynamics.

Codependent behaviour can emerge in many contexts - intimate partnerships, family relationships, friendships or caring roles. It can be present alongside other challenges such as addiction, mental health problems or long-standing family patterns. Recognising these patterns is often the first step towards change, and therapy offers a space to explore how those patterns developed and how to build different ways of relating.

Signs you might benefit from therapy for codependency

If you are wondering whether counselling could help, there are a number of common signals to look out for. You might consistently put others� needs ahead of your own even when it leaves you depleted. You may struggle to say no, fear abandonment or rejection, or feel responsible for other people�s emotions and behaviours. Perfectionism and people-pleasing can be part of the picture, as can a persistent sense that your value depends on being helpful or needed. Relationships may feel one-sided, with you giving far more than you receive.

Some people notice that attempts to change - setting a boundary, saying no or stepping back - provoke intense guilt or anxiety. Others find they continually enter relationships that repeat similar dynamics, or that past family roles - such as being the carer or peacemaker - continue to shape adult life. If any of these experiences feel familiar, therapy can help you understand the origins of these patterns and develop practical, sustainable ways to relate differently.

What to expect in therapy for codependency

Early sessions usually focus on creating a clear, collaborative plan and understanding your priorities. A therapist will take time to hear what you want to change, how your relationships currently function and how your history may influence your present responses. You and your counsellor will agree goals together - these may include building boundaries, improving self-care, managing anxiety about rejection or learning new relational skills.

Therapy is typically paced to suit you. Some people prefer weekly sessions to explore patterns in depth while others work in short, focused blocks to address specific issues such as boundary setting or communication in a current relationship. You can expect a mixture of reflective conversation and practical exercises. These might involve noticing triggers, practising assertive language, exploring childhood messages that shaped your sense of worth, and developing routines that support emotional regulation and self-compassion.

A key part of the work is strengthening your sense of identity apart from others� needs. This often involves learning to tolerate discomfort that may arise when you prioritise yourself, and testing new ways of relating in the outside world while processing the emotional fallout in the therapy room. Many people find this gradual process both challenging and liberating as they reclaim time, energy and choices that previously felt unavailable to them.

Common therapeutic approaches used for codependency

There is no single approach that fits everyone, and counselling for codependency often draws on a blend of modalities. Cognitive behavioural therapy is frequently used to help you identify and change unhelpful thought patterns that lead to over-responsibility or self-criticism. Schema therapy can be helpful when early life experiences have created enduring relational patterns, offering a way to understand long-standing coping styles and develop healthier alternatives.

Psychodynamic or psychotherapeutic work explores how early attachments and family roles shaped your relational templates, enabling you to bring awareness to unconscious patterns that play out in adult relationships. Systemic and family approaches may be appropriate when current family dynamics continue to reinforce codependent roles, while trauma-informed therapy recognises when past relational trauma is central and adapts work to ensure emotional safety and pacing.

Acceptance and commitment therapy and mindfulness-based approaches can assist with tolerating uncomfortable emotions and focusing on values-driven action, helping you to act in ways that align with your priorities rather than automatic reactivity. Group therapy and support groups also offer a powerful context for practising new boundaries and receiving feedback from others who are working on similar issues.

How online therapy works for codependency

Online therapy has become a common option for people seeking help with codependency. Sessions typically take place by video call, telephone or secure messaging, allowing you to access a counsellor from home or another quiet setting. This flexibility can make it easier to fit counselling into a busy life, to choose a therapist who specialises in codependency even if they are not local, and to continue work regardless of travel or health constraints.

When you choose online therapy, you and your counsellor will agree practical arrangements - session length, frequency and what to do if a connection fails. You will be encouraged to find a quiet, uninterrupted space for sessions and to consider safety plans if intense emotions arise between meetings. Many therapists who work online are experienced in adapting therapeutic techniques for remote delivery, using reflective exercises, worksheets and experiential tasks that translate well to a virtual environment.

It is important that online work feels right for you. Some people prefer meeting face to face, while others find the distance of a screen reduces anxiety and makes it easier to be open. You can discuss your preferences with a counsellor at an initial consultation and agree a format that supports your progress.

Choosing the right counsellor for codependency

Finding the right therapist is a personal process. Look for someone who is registered with a recognised UK body such as the BACP, HCPC or whose training and experience you can verify. Many counsellors list their specialisms and supervisory arrangements in their profiles - information that helps you assess whether they have relevant experience with codependency, family dynamics or related issues such as addiction or trauma.

Consider the therapeutic approach and whether it fits your preferences. You might want a counsellor who combines practical skills training with deeper exploration, or someone who works from a systemic perspective that includes family relationships. Practicalities matter too - check availability, session length and fees, and whether the counsellor offers online or in-person appointments. Trust your instincts about rapport; an initial consultation is an opportunity to notice how comfortable and heard you feel and to ask about how the counsellor will approach goals and boundaries in therapy.

It is also reasonable to ask a prospective counsellor about safeguarding procedures, how they manage emotional crises between sessions and how they measure progress. You should feel able to raise questions about cultural competence, gender or sexual identity and how these factors will be integrated into your work together. If a match does not feel right after a few sessions, it is acceptable to discuss referral or to try a different counsellor until you find the relationship that supports change.

Next steps

Reaching out for help with codependency is a decisive step towards more balanced relationships and a stronger sense of self. Use the profiles on this page to compare accredited counsellors, read about their specialisms and book an initial consultation to explore what therapy could offer you. With consistent support, you can learn to set boundaries, honour your needs and build relationships that are more reciprocal and nourishing.