Find an Adoption Therapist

Understanding adoption and how it can affect you

Adoption is both a legal process and a life transition that reshapes relationships and identity. Whether you are an adoptee, an adoptive parent, a birth parent or a fostering carer, you may find yourself navigating layered emotions - grief and relief, questions about belonging, or practical challenges such as contact arrangements and paperwork. You might also notice effects that show up over time rather than immediately, for example when a child reaches school age or during adolescence, when identity and attachment needs become more visible.

How adoption commonly affects people

You may experience a mix of emotional responses depending on your role and history. Adoptees sometimes wrestle with questions about origin, identity and belonging, which can affect relationships and sense of self. Adoptive parents often describe worries about attachment, behaviour and how to support a child through difficult memories. Birth parents can have enduring grief and complex feelings about loss and contact. Foster carers and professionals may feel overwhelmed by the emotional labour involved in transitions. All of these experiences are valid and they can coexist alongside joy and relief.

Signs you might benefit from adoption-focused therapy

You might consider therapy if you notice persistent distress that affects your daily life, relationships or parenting. This could include recurring feelings of loss or anger that are hard to process, difficulties forming or maintaining close relationships, or ongoing behavioural challenges that leave you unsure how to respond. You may also seek help if you are facing specific moments such as contact meetings, difficult decisions about search and reunion, or if a child is showing heightened anxiety or aggressive behaviour. Therapy can also help when you feel stuck in repetitive patterns, experience low mood, or want support understanding and working with trauma-related reactions without feeling judged.

What to expect in adoption therapy sessions

When you first contact a therapist, you can expect an initial assessment conversation to explore what brings you to therapy, your goals and any practical needs such as accessibility or child involvement. Sessions typically begin with building a trusting relationship and creating a plan together. You will be able to discuss your history and current challenges at a pace that feels comfortable. For children, work may include play-based or creative methods that help them express feelings they cannot yet put into words. For adults, narrative and life-story work can help integrate past experiences into a more manageable story that supports present coping.

Session format and duration

Therapy can be short-term and focused or longer-term depending on your goals. Some people choose a time-limited programme to address a specific issue, while others continue for several months to explore deeper concerns. You can expect sessions to last around 50 to 60 minutes for individuals, with different arrangements for family or parent-child sessions. Your therapist should discuss confidentiality boundaries, record-keeping and how they handle contact with other professionals such as social workers or schools, so you know what to expect.

Common therapeutic approaches used for adoption

There is no single approach that fits everyone, and therapists often draw on more than one method to meet your needs. Attachment-informed therapy helps you understand patterns in close relationships and develop new ways of connecting. Trauma-informed approaches offer tools for managing distress and understanding how earlier hurt can shape present behaviour. Cognitive-behavioural techniques can support coping with difficult thoughts and routines, while narrative therapy assists you in re-authoring your life story in a way that honours both loss and resilience.

Specialist tools and child-focused methods

For children, therapeutic life-story work, play therapy and family systems approaches are commonly used to support identity development and attachment. Some therapists are trained in eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing, often shortened to EMDR, which can be offered where trauma symptoms are present and a therapist has appropriate training. It is helpful to ask a therapist about their training and experience with adoption-specific techniques, as well as how they involve parents or carers in the process.

How online therapy works for adoption support

Online therapy can be a practical option when face-to-face appointments are difficult, when you live in a rural area or when family schedules make in-person sessions challenging. Video and phone sessions allow you to meet a therapist from your home or another comfortable environment, and many therapists also offer messaging or email support between sessions for brief check-ins. If you are working with a child online, you and the therapist will usually agree how a parent or carer will be present to support engagement and safety. For some types of work - such as certain play therapy methods - an in-person option might be preferable, and a therapist can advise on what will work best for your family.

Practical considerations for online work

Before starting online therapy, you should agree with the therapist on practical arrangements such as session length, fees, how to manage missed appointments and what will happen in an emergency. Ask about the therapist's approach to digital boundaries and how they will keep your records. You should also check whether online sessions meet any requirements from other professionals you work with, for example social workers or health services involved in your adoption plan.

Tips for choosing the right adoption counsellor

Look for a counsellor who has experience working with adoption-related issues and who is registered with a professional body such as BACP, HCPC or NCPS. Registration indicates that the practitioner works to professional standards and engages in ongoing supervision and training. Ask potential therapists about their experience with people in your role - adoptee, adoptive parent, birth parent or carer - and about specific training in areas like attachment, trauma, child development or transracial adoption when that is relevant to you.

Questions to ask when you contact a therapist

When you make initial enquiries, it is reasonable to ask how they work with adoption issues, whether they offer family or parent-child sessions and how they approach contact and reunion topics. You might also want to know their availability, fees, cancellation policy and whether they can liaise with other professionals involved in your case. Consider booking an initial consultation to get a sense of how you connect with the counsellor - a good fit often matters more than a specific title or method.

Taking the next step

Finding the right therapist for adoption-related work can make a significant difference in how you manage emotions and relationships connected to adoption. You do not have to work through this alone, and meeting with a practitioner who understands the particular themes of loss, identity and attachment can offer practical strategies and emotional support. Use the listings above to compare profiles, check professional registration and book an initial conversation to see whether a counsellor might be a good match for you and your family.